“What if beachgoers were as lax about sharks as they are about coronavirus?” asks Stephen Colbert’s amusing shark-horror-movie meets spring-breakers-who-don’t-give-a-fuck music video mashup. Of course, in real life, we’re comparing apples to oranges. If when the shark bit into a beachgoer it was a painless affair while some random elderly person a mile away felt the bite as they bled to death, then we’d be comparing apples to apples. But what would be the fun in that?