Professional sports bettors are desperate to capitalize on coronavirus, too

“Vegas Dave” Oancea is a bit of a celebrity bookie for sports betting; or at least, that’s how he’s been described by my friends who care about such things. But with so many leagues canceling or postponing games in the wake of the COVID-19 crisis — and in the wake of his own recent legal problems — Vegas Dave is particularly desperate to keep the cash flowing.

And that’s why he’s now offering serious bets on things like curling. Badminton. Cricket? Checkers. Even UNO! (Yes, really) If you’re lucky, there could be some bets on spelling bees and hula-hooping, too.

Let’s f–king go. Forget about March Madness, forget about the NBA, forget about baseball being delayed for a couple of weeks. I’ve got the curling whale play of the day. I’ve been studying curling all fucking day. Also the $99 badminton package, $99 cricket package.

How the fuck do I do it? Curling whale winner. Badminton package cashes three parlays and the fucking cricket package? Perfect 3-0 clean sweep. Tomorrow, we got archery, checkers, and an UNO tournament. We’re also trying to get into the spelling bee contest, the over/under of every other sport in the world that’s still going on. Don’t sleep on the international hula hoop contest semifinals.

I’m not much of a gambler, but that’s because I think I have enough of an addictive personality that if I were to be a gambler, I would seriously fuck things up for myself and everyone around me. Which is kind of the vibe I’m getting from this guy, too.

But hey, if you want to make quick cash before the impending recession hits — maybe I’m an idiot, and hula hoops bets really are the way to go?

Saddest gambling expert ‘Vegas Dave’ trying to sell you on curling, checkers [Samantha Previte / NY Post]

Image: Baishampayn Ghose / Flickr (CC 2.0)