Burbank librarian Sarah McKinley Oakes (previously) also nannies for a six year old whose parents are French Stewart — from Third Rock from the Sun — and the actor Vanessa Claire Smith. Smith and Oakes have a friendly, normal relationship, but when it comes to French Stewart, things are awesomely weird.
As Oakes describes it, her relationship with French Stewart is defined by "trash talk, sarcasm, and my (probably fake) attempts to steal his money" — with a healthy dollop of pranking.
Enter Stewart's unwise admission that he is frightened of dolls ("pediophobia"). Oakes seized on this and turned it to her advantage, slowly but surely terrorizing Stewart with a series of horror-doll-themed pranks, each more fiendish than the last, each demonstrating that when it comes to comprehensive, well-planned pranks, you should not fuck with a librarian.
Then I started posting pictures to his Facebook page, almost every day.I had the doll study a map showing how to get from where I live in Burbank to his house in West Hollywood.
I showed the doll reading a book about haunted dolls (I work at a library, when I’m not a nanny)
This doll has a bloody stump where her hand should be, making it clear that she’s written this note in her own blood, that she got by cutting off her hand.
To establish that there was not just one but several dolls, I had them gather to watch French on an episode of NCIS.
For a week or so, the main doll (I elected her president of the dolls) worked at breaking into his house, eventually succeeding. (I took these after the kid went to sleep. I never told her about the dolls. It would have been way too exciting for her, plus she can’t keep a secret for anything).
He can’t fire me, the dolls would get angry [Sarah McKinley Oakes/Hatpin Slayer]
(Thanks, Sarah!)
