Rainbow Heart Shaped Pillow

Evocative of emojis, but not shaped like poo, and perfect for the 11 year-old daughter who'll demand I participate in this holiday. — Jason

Titanium Pill Holder Keychain Necklace

Compartment will accommodate psychoactive pills of your choosing. — Mark

Kawaii Skeleton Onesie

Nothing says intimacy that a sexy peek at your insides — Cory

Gigantic 55-Gallon Oil Drum of Lube

Water-based. The 55-gallon drum of sexual lubricant is a time-honored Boing Boing Gift Guide tradition. The price has gone up. — Xeni

Beyond Buckskin

Buy “Indian” crafts from Indian people. Beaded earrings, quillwork, cozy mocs, warm blankets, authentic dream catchers, birch bark baskets, all from Native American artisans. — Xeni

Belgian Darts Set

End grain basswood board, scoring rings separated by hydraulically inserted brass, and polished steel-tipped darts with birch wood barrels and shafts — Rob

Vessel vape pen

The nicest-looking, feeling, and functioning 510 thread battery “vape pen” I've tried. Rose gold and walnut wood options, for the whole gender spectrum. Check site for sales and discounts on open-box pens. — Xeni

Nepali Cherish Greeting Card & Envelope Box Set with Handmade Lokta Paper from Nepal, 15 Cards (Bougainvillea)

This beautiful, handmade paper is pressed with flower petals, making it perfect for love notes like "Let's get it on, sugar" but you have to write out the URL to the Marvin Gaye song. — Jason

Tardigrade Bikini

Why didn't they think of this sooner! — Mark

Liberator Sex Furniture

As endorsed by Oh Joy Sex Toy: made in America by high-waged workers, the company makes foam wedges, half-spheres, pillows and even loungers that help couples (or more!) comfortably sustain sexual positions that might otherwise be difficult or impossible, whether due to a lack of athleticism or some kind of disability. — Cory

Pure Bulgarian Rose Otto

Is it an aphrodisiac? An aromatherapy elixir? A sexy scent? Hey, why not all of the above. — Xeni

Devil Heart Necklace

Because you just need to get the Valentine's Day situation dealt with ASAP. — Rob

Leather Handcuffs by Crave

A new twist for the old ball and chain. Works as a bracelet, too! — Mark

Woman World

A kind of gender-oriented, post-apocalyptic episode of Portlandia, where the bohemian free spirits of the man-free world get their own little asides for romance, reminiscence, politics, coming of age, depression, exploration. — Cory

Kawaii Heart Stickers

Five bucks a sheet — Rob

Kinky and Kooky Excerpts from America's First Sex Magazine

Founded in 1933, Sexology explores important romance-related issues, such as: extra breasts in women, pregnant men, humans with tails, and human-animal crossbreeding. — Mark

Drawn to Sex

The Oh Joy Sex Toy folks always deliver quality material, and a general sex-ed book is sorely needed and very welcome indeed — Cory

Funko's Cuddle Team Leader

She is cute, she is caring and she'll dance on your eliminated skin! I swoon for Cuddle Team Leader. — Jason

Hu Dark Cashew Butter and Vanilla Bean Chocolate Bars

Parse these heavenly treats out as a reward for good behavior. — Mark

Art of Dungeons and Dragons:

Contains a 400-page retrospective of the classic art of D&D, a reprint of the notoriously hard Tomb of Horrors module (designed by Gary Gygax to challenge the most overpowered characters), and frameable lithos. It's incredible. — Cory

Oud oil

Rising Phoenix Perfumery on Etsy is a trustworthy purveyor of exotic, extremely high end medicinal/fragrance oils. The real deal extracts. Oud is one of the most amazing scents, with each variety a uniquely provocative and primal fragrance. Gender neutral. — Xeni

Pink, Heart-shaped Post-it Notes

Low-effort perfection for the office. — Rob

XGCMY Leather Paly Buckle Belt Silicon Mouth Ball Gag for Men Women (Red)

When what you want is silence, sometimes it's nice to offer a solution, instead of just hinting. Some people need help shutting the fuck up. The red ball reminds me of a clown nose, so I picked that one. — Jason

Valentine Rope Heart

Hrm. — Rob