Ireland has a goat problem.
A growing gang of wild goats is having its way with the towns of Ennis and Clare’s gardens, parking lots and roads. Greenery is being devoured. Cars are being forced to slow or stop, with all too much frequency, for fear that drivers could end up having to pick goat meat out of their vehicle’s grills with a pointy stick. According to Clare’s Mayor, Tom McNamara, “the disturbance that these goats are causing in the locality is totally unacceptable.” The Mayor continued by pleading that the goats “are getting up on top of cars and going around businesses at night time.” The goats, which have been tagging local homes and historical landmarks as they expand their territory, have drawn the attention of the local law enforcement’s gang task force.
OK, that last sentence was bullshit, but it’d be awesome if it were true.
In all seriousness, having a whack of uncontrollable wild animals traipsing around the town is a public safety concern. Sooner or later someone’s going to get hurt in a goat attack (no seriously: goats can be ASSHOLES), or wind up hitting one – or five – with their car. Right now, there’s talk of erecting signs warning motorists of goat hazards in town and on nearby highways (goats be roaming), and some pretty stern mumbling about what can be done to control the exploding goat population. According to RTĒ, no one’s in favor of a cull, no matter how delicious goat might be. On the other hand, castration of the feral herd’s male goats is on the table. There are also calls for help from animal shelters, farmers and landowners to help provide a permanent home to the goats. Honestly, I don’t know if any of that’s going to help.
Once a goat has tasted the sweet nectar of freedom, there’s no way it’ll stand to be confined to a single patch of land. Fences are for squares, man.
At the time that this story was written, Black Phillip could not be reached for comment.
Image: fir0002 – Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0, Link