This vintage (2011) clip shows Australian TV host Karl Stefanovic describing his home defense strategy: keeping a “long stabby thing” by the side of the bed. Cohost Lisa Wilkinson reports having a “swordy thing.” Correspondent Georgie Gardner also has a long stabby thing, the one you suspected. Nevertheless, there has been some discussion of what Karl’s long stabby thing might be; my money is on a four-foot poker, useful for fending off not only burglars but also logical positivists.