Sick And Tired In California, who works in an upscale dinner house, writes in:
I am a 24-year-old waitress who needs advice on how to handle older men when they continually flirt, touch and even ask for hugs while I’m serving them dinner. … Waitresses have to put up with this kind of thing for tips. Is there anything I can do to prevent it and still receive a reasonable tip for good service?
In response, Dear Abby told her to laugh it off to see it from their point of view before running to the manager.
Yes. Keep your sense of humor. Smile a lot, laugh when appropriate and stand out of reach. Most of these men are harmless. They are trying to be friendly.
“Most” indeed.
Now, it’s possible that the letter is planted and that there’s no such person. Dear Abby—officially authored by Jeanne Phillips—is often accused of fakery, so the advice might be better interpreted as an excursion into a fantasy world of ideal problems, the Dear Abby lace-napkin culture war, rather than anything reflective of consensus reality.
But many people in this situation do exist, of course, irrespective of this letter’s authenticity. So, Sick And Tired In California, please feel empowered to ignore Dear Abby’s glib and incompetent advice. Here’s what victims of workplace sexual harassment should do, according to NOLO, the AAUW and other credible sources.
• If you feel safe doing so, you should immediately tell your customer that their behavior is inappropriate and unacceptable and to cut it out.
• Take notes on the harassment and include details: time, place, what was said, what was touched, and who saw it.
• Inform your manager and expect their support. Put it in writing and keep copies. If there’s an employee handbook or sexual harassment policy, follow its guidelines and expect them to be honored. Understand your employer’s obligation to protect you from a hostile workplace environment.
• If problems continue, contact your organization’s HR department.
• If you still get no support, contact lawyers in your state: good ones will talk to you free of charge. Read up on Title VII and figure out if you can file a complaint with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. Employers can be held liable for workplace hostility and are forbidden from retaliating against you for filing a charge of harassment or speaking out against harassment.
• You don’t need a lawyer to file an EEOC complaint, but you do have to do it within 6 months of the event.
• The lawyer will help you understand your rights and remedies, and will know how best to handle local press and other publications that might be interested in your story.
[h/t Heather]