Maybe you’ve heard of Elsa Frozen Brain Surgery — you know, the game where you open the popular Disney princess’ skull and extract fashion items from her glittering brain morass for her to wear later.
“Once you’re sure she needs a brain surgery, start shaving her gorgeous blonde hair and prepare her for the long surgery hours,” the game instructs. “Then feel free to dig into her brain and make sure you use the right doctor tools to cut out her little obsessions, to repair whatever you find broken and to reactivate the dead synapses snowflakes.” Dark.
Of course, Elsa Frozen Brain Surgery is just one of the weird little games hoping for a sliver of the explosive princess brand recognition. Today I also found Baby Elsa Spinal Surgery, where the starring princess becomes a child with inexplicable but deeply-unsettling back wounds, as well as Olaf at the Dentist (“The pain and the shame are unbearable, so he is asking you to play the dentist role for him.”)
My friend Peter Yeh has offered us an eye-opening look at some other items out there: Apparently, poorly-cloned Disney princesses need everything from slimy makeovers to new bathroom wallpaper, in addition to appearing in barely-functional knockoff Super Mario-alikes and hundreds and hundreds of paper doll dress-ups.
Apply nitrous to Princess Anna’s face in her birthing simulator. Then, of course, there is Spank Elsa Butt (maybe don’t watch that at work).
Peter’s piece will set you on the right track toward the very weirdest bootleg Disney games. You can find even weirder ones if you want, I bet. Peter just sent me the following “Sins of the Frozen” video, a haunting compilation of everything from Elsa Toilet Decorator to some odd-looking accelerated-aging game. Probably just don’t do any of this at work. Or maybe ever.
