Police blotter sites aggregate only the saddest reports of meth-addled America. A better way to consume local police news: unedited dispatch logs.
Dogs are lost, then found a few hours later. Little old ladies are outraged by skateboarders. In such circumstances, it’s the reader who must provide narrative continuity between entries, but it’s honest work and always rewards the day with a little Mayberry bump.
The following are recent 911 calls to a small-town Massachusetts police department:
“5:27 p.m. Caller reports group of juveniles sliding down a mound of snow.
7:27 p.m. Caller reports a possum on her patio she believes is sick or lost.
9:32 a.m. Caller complaining that someone dumped snow in her driveway.
10:24 a.m. Caller reports message left on voicemail from the IRS.
12:16 p.m. Caller reports person is going door to door asking to shovel driveways for money.
12:28 p.m. Report of black pick-up truck doing donuts in school parking lot, Main St.
12:30 p.m. Caller wants to speak with officer regarding a company stealing emails from his website and taking customers away from him, Maple Brook Dr.
12:31 p.m. Caller reports large duck in yard; Has put duck in crate until owner is found.”