Jesse Walker fesses up.
Way back in 2002, I wrote a satiric Banned Books Week column that mocked the nation’s prigs by suggesting they try to pull something new off the nation’s school shelves. The article then devolved into me decoding the supposed sexual subtexts in Treasure Island and, yes, Green Eggs and Ham.
Dr. Seuss’ book, I wrote:
is a thinly disguised account of homosexual seduction. In this kiddie favorite, “Sam I Am” (that is, “Same As I Am”) tries to persuade the narrator to “eat” green eggs and ham. Anyone who has traveled in the Spanish-speaking world knows what “eggs” are. The ham, of course, is a long, phallic sausage, perfect for “porking” someone. The protagonist repeatedly denies any interest in the offer, but Sam persists, proposing that he join him in any number of locations, positions, and kinky arrangements. (“Would you, could you, on a boat? Would you, could you, with a goat?”) Finally, our hero gives in, just once—and discovers that he enjoys fellating breakfast after all. Sam has made a convert, and the legion of God-Fearing Heterosexuals is diminished by one.