Dear Falcor,
I’ve recently killed a man (in self-defense, I swear!) and need to dispose of the body. What do you recommend? — JUST KILLED A MAN IN ONTARIO (Jardine)
Dear Just Killed a Man,
Canadians taste great with maple syrup.
Cheers, Falcor
Dear Falcor,
I have some left over chicken, some rice, some noodles and I think probably some veggies… Maybe there is tomato based sauce hanging around. Add that to a picky family. What should I feed them tonight? — TIRED OF THE SAME THING FOR DINNER IN THE SOUTH (Mindysan33)
Dear Tired of the same thing,
I have a friend in Canada who might be able to help you out. How are you with white meat?
Best, Falcor
Dear Falcor,
My baby is turning out to be the worst roommate ever. She makes constant demands, keeps us up all night, and refuses to pay her share of the mortgage. How should we deal with this problem? – SINCERELY, MOMMY DEAREST (Maggiekb)
Dear Mommy Dearest,
Usually I would say “gobble her down.”, but in this case I have to say “suck it up.”
Sincerely, Falcor
Dear Falcor,
During a particularly frustrating evening babysitting, I wished that the goblins would take my baby brother away. The Goblin King won’t give him back and my parents will be back soon. What should I do?
Please help! – ETERNALLY STENCHY (Daneel)
Dear Eternally Stenchy,
Goblin Kings are a bit to stringy to eat, I recommend instead distracting him with a tight-pants-and-wigs sale downtown. Then snatch your brother back.
You remind me of the babe, Falcor
Dear Falco,
What did Vienna call about?
– Robert C Baruch
Dear Robert,
This man is an imposter. Eat him.
Get out, Falcor