What I imagine Wolf Blitzer’s facial expression was the first time he read the words “Pussy Riot” off the teleprompter.
Pussy Riot. Image: Denis Bochkarev
The outlaw Russian activist organization Pussy Riot reportedly chose their name as a clever troll: one of the group’s members said she thought it’d be a way to provide a little fun for English-speakers who followed their story. And she was right. Every time I see CNN’s Wolf Blitzer say “Pussy Riot,” or hear a dry NPR anchor’s voice intone those two words, I think I’m going to die laughing. Pussy Riot finally managed to do what generations of feminists before them could not: they normalized the word “pussy.”
But I asked Twitter to help me come up with some more “polite” synonyms for news anchors who still wince when they have to say the p-word on-air. Here’s the list, some of which are my own, some of which others must take blame for.
• Vagina Riot
• Cuntastrophe
• Cooter Commotion
• Ladybits Rampage
• Vajayjay Melee
• Birth Canal Brouhaha
• Hoo-hah Kerfuffle
• Beefdrape Diatribe
• Frontbottom Fracas
• Labial Lawlessness
• Rosebud Rumble
• Bearded Clam Shenanigans
• Muffin scufflin’
• Cooch Confrontation
• Down There Donnybrook
• Labia Fray-bia
• Front-butt Fiasco
• Munch Bunch
• Apocalips
• Violencia del Vulva
• Meat-Curtain Mayhem
• Nookie Disagreement
• Honeypot havoc
• Fanny Free-for-all
• Tumult Near Mons Pubis (*also a great title for a post-apocalypic sci-fi erotic novel)
(Thanks, everyone: @joshgondelman, @Beschizza, @scottpierce_au, @orelhoes, @arfisk, @bonniegrrl, @KingDouyeAlfred, @KellySGerner, @birdsnfrogs, @cuadcosgrove, @capnmarrrrk, @beebigelow, @iD4RO, @BarrSteve, @emraeoh, @jesusdiaz, @ginalou, @janice_e, @gwynskid, @laurasbadideas, @nieljacoby, @proeat, @gargreguan, @dkesserich, @lekevbo, @queerveganrun)