As if it’s not bad enough that there’s always a risk of any social interaction turning into cannibalism, the sex lives of octopuses are further complicated by the fact that both males and females die not too long after the first time they get laid. Males only survive a few months. Females stick around long enough for their eggs to hatch, and then die soon after.
And then, of course, there’s the indignity of the local aquarium scheduling your mating for Valentine’s Day, in front of a crowd, and putting a video of the whole thing up on the Internet.
Sorry, octopuses.
Read more about octopus reproduction in this piece by Katherine Harmon at The Octopus Chronicles.