Citigroup leads finance world in bullshit-generating capacity

Cory Doctorow 7:43 pm Thu Dec 6, 2012

The Atlantic's Derek Thompson has located a truly world-beating piece of obfuscated corporate bullshit, courtesy of Citi, who took 86 words to convey a simple fact: "Citigroup today announced [lay offs]. These actions will [save money]."

Citigroup today announced a series of repositioning actions that will further reduce expenses and improve efficiency across the company while maintaining Citi's unique capabilities to serve clients, especially in the emerging markets. These actions will result in increased business efficiency, streamlined operations and an optimized consumer footprint across geographies.

Citigroup Eliminates 11,000 Jobs in History's Most Corporate-Jargony Paragraph Ever

(via Making Light)

(Image: Muddy Maher's, Kinsale, a Creative Commons Attribution Share-Alike (2.0) image from ujh's photostream)

Nearly 3 million more unemployment claims in U.S. as COVID-19 job losses total 36 million

• U.S. jobless claims totaled 2.98 million last week, unemployment is close to 16% READ THE REST
Jobs report shows 20.5 million lost jobs in April and unemployment surged to 14.7%

New jobs report from U.S. released on Friday: JOBS LOST IN APRIL: 20.5 million UNEMPLOYMENT RATE: 14.7% This is the worst U.S. jobs report since the World War II era. READ THE REST
Tesla to reopen Fremont factory Friday, despite ongoing coronavirus lockdown

Elon Musk's electric car company plans to reopen its one and only factory in the United States as soon as Friday, for 'limited operations,' in a county where coronavirus lockdown… READ THE REST
Short Post, just one paragraph

Dessert cheesecake wafer bear claw fruitcake. Fruitcake chupa chups donut candy canes marzipan. Apple pie sweet roll tart chocolate cake macaroon marshmallow carrot cake gummi bears sweet. Pastry sugar plum… READ THE REST
Save 50% on a 1-year subscription to Dashlane's premium password manager

We all know vital information about ourselves and our private digital accounts can be compromised by cybercriminals. However, many would be frightened to know just how compromised they and their… READ THE REST
The Bite Helper removes the itch of a mosquito bite in seconds

While mosquitoes have certainly earned their title as the deadliest animal on earth, their impact on most of our lives is usually a lot less consequential. But even though they… READ THE REST