Remember the (fictitious, funny) Onion article “Planned Parenthood Opens $8 Billion Abortionplex“? Now the famed Abortionplex is on Yelp. Free nachos and mojitos after your partial birth abortion, with a Yelp discount code! As noted in a previous Boing Boing post, many people believe the Abortionplex (and other Onion coverage) is real. I can’t wait for the credulous Fox News coverage to kick in.
Everyone loves Abortionplex, but true fans know that the real magic is found in the secret menu. A 2×3 lets you sandwich in movie screenings at the theater before, between and after ridding yourself of potential twins. An 8×8? Spend your day easily breezing from Octomom to Oscars noms. Hold the butter on that popcorn though – you’re not eating for 9 anymore!
Tell your doc you want The Flying Dutchman if you want to squeeze your abortion appointment in between two pieces of meat, if you know what I mean, and let’s face it, you always know what I mean.
But real pros know that nothing satisfies your hunger for an empty uterus quite as much as well as Animal Style. In this iteration of the classic abortion, after the doctor perfectly vacuums the contents of your uterus, she then fills it with a secret sauce filled with tiny unicorns which will trot around poking holes in your uterine lining and preventing zygotes from taking hold for at least 6 months. But let’s face it, even if you’re already filled to the brim with tiny unicorns and think you won’t be abortion-hungry again for a while, you know you’ll be poking around Abortionplex tomorrow on your lunch break. It’s too good to stay away!
(thanks, Susannah!)
