It’s hard to to top the phrase “pole dancing for Jesus” — I dare you to even try — because it satisfies so many absolutely awful contemporary needs in just four words. It’s the perfect bogus local-news trend story. (I first saw it on Wonkette, but it was picked up from the Fox affiliate in Houston.) It’s an SEO bonanza. And it’s an awesome name for the next band you never heard of that’s suddenly appearing on “Saturday Night Live” for some reason. The fact that it’s an actual thing — there’s a class in it at a dance studio in Spring, TX, a northern suburb of Houston, and the newsbabe somberly assures the anchordude that “you have to bring your church program with you in order to get into the class’ — only makes it better. Or worse. Or something. “Tune in,” newsbabe tells anchordude, promising him in this teaser segment that she herself will take a few twirls for Jesus in the nine o’clock hour. “We will,” anchordude replies, a glittery mix of prurience and ratings-lust in his eyes. Or is that just good old-fashioned religious fervor? it’s getting so hard to tell.
