Matthew Baldwin of Defective Yeti and The Morning News is an embarrassingly prolific guy. I mean by this that his output of work is embarrassing to me, personally, because I'm way less productive and a lot more dithery. But that's enough about me. Now Baldwin has a new project: Vending Spree, in which he pledges to eat every single item in his office vending machine and file a critical report on each one. Baldwin himself refers to Spree as a "gimmicky writing challenge," which in a way it is, but I have some experience in this area — I undertook to make and test a new cocktail every single day last summer, and ended up with liver toxicity and paralyzing headaches after exactly 13 days — so I want you to get past the gimmickiness and focus on the insane heroism of the task he's set for himself. And in so doing, I want you to focus on one particular thing: The machine has the usual assortment of chips and candies, but it also features something ominously identified as a Bumblebee Tuna Salad Kit.
I'll wait.
Baldwin himself is appropriately chastened at the prospect of what's ahead of him. And he's no fool, telling me in an email: "I'm fairly fit (cycle about 100-150 miles a week), but still right on the healthy/overweight line due to a penchant for beer that I have no desire to renounce. I purposely launched this during the summer on the theory that I'll cycle off most of the calories I take in." Still, calories are only half the problem. I mean, tuna salad in a vac-pac is out there, waiting, like dental work and jury duty, and having publicly committed to eating everything in the slots there's just no turning back. Unless you do. I did. But something tells me Baldwin is a hardier sort. Godspeed, Matthew. I'll be pulling for you.
