Jason Torchinsky is a guest blogger on Boing Boing. Jason has a book out now, Ad Nauseam: A Survivor’s Guide to American Consumer Culture. He lives in Los Angeles, where he is a tinkerer and artist, started a webcasting company, and writes for the Onion News Network. He lives with a common-law wife, five animals, too many old cars, and a shed full of crap.
1. You just got change, and you have a Canadian penny. What do you do?
a. Demand a real penny, damn it, not one of these cheap knock-offs
b. Check with those nearby to see if you really are in Canada, and if so, find out why
c. Swallow it, quick, before they find you
d. Unwrap it and eat the chocolate
2. You find an eclair in your sock drawer. You:
a. Put on a pair of socks
b. Put on the eclair
c. Look for the other eclair, cause there must be a pair
d. Pinch yourself cuz you must be dreaming
3. What can I say to God to get into heaven?
a. Do you have any idea who I am?
b. I just need to get in for a minute I want to see if my friends are there.
c. I can make your life very difficult
d. Come on god, be cool, man, be cool
4. If you were a tree, where would you go out to eat?
a. Miracle-Gro Casino Sunday Morning Champagne Brunch Buffet
b. Taco Bell because trees always seem to be broke
c. Tree food court at the tree mall
d. Red Lobster
e. Anything off the trunk of a $1000-a-night tree hooker
5. You catch your lover in bed with C-3P0. You:
a. Congratulate the better man.
b. Ask for a C-3some-0.
c. Get really C-3P.O.’ed.
d. Ask him to autograph the VCR.
e. May as well watch, because it’s hard to picture how this goes down
(Thanks, Van Gogh-Goghs)