Two stories about evil infants crossed my desk this weekend, one from 1951, the other from 2008.
First, this old one: a scan of a comic book story from 1951 about a killer baby.
Next, a satire about a lascivious newborn, from Rogier van Bakel, who says: “We’ve recently seen a six-year-old turned over to the police for having playfully slapped a classmate on the behind. A four-year-old was punished for sexual harassment two years ago after he allegedly pressed his face into the pre-school teacher’s décolletage during a hug. Where does it end? I wrote a little Onionesque fantasy about that here:
CLOVIS, NM – Just hours after being born, an allegedly sex-obsessed infant was taken into custody on charges of harassment.
A maternity nurse present at the birth of Ryan Sambora, the son of Gabriel and Mindy Sambora of Kingfisher Lane, called police after she determined the child had “enjoyed his time in the birth canal a little too much.” The hospital worker, Valerie Shales, a six-year veteran of Gouldsborough Family Health Centers, said the woman was clearly in discomfort, even agony, while the son seemed “unwilling to dislodge himself from the mother’s vagina.”
“He cried in protest as soon as we got him out,” Shales explained the ordeal. “He just seemed really determined not to leave Mindy’s genitals in peace.” Shales said she was obligated to notify the police by the hospital’s zero-tolerance sexual-harassment policies.