William Ridenhour, a chef-in-training, has a blog where he writes fake obituaries for those charmingly odd names found in the reply-to fields of spam.
Wreaks Q. Blurt 1910-2006
Wreaks Q. Blurt was born in Boise, Idaho in 1910. Possibly the unluckiest man in the whole of the state he went from mishap to mishap with alarming regularity. At high school he was riding his skateboard when he hit a stray yak that had escaped from the city zoo. Much to the amazement of his friends Wreaks did his first ever 360 with the yak’s help. It would have been an unheard of 720 had it not been for the flagpole. His teeth shot out with great velocity, a wisdom tooth breaking a window of the school, while an incisor ending up in the school mascot Pinky.
His wedding ceremony to Cynthia Snodgrass ran the whole range of calamities. Cynthia fainted at the altar, Wreaks fell into the cake, his aunty fell over dancing and showed her knickers and the horse hired for them to ride off into the sunset bolted. This was all good news for Wreaks’ brother, the lucky one of the family, who ended up minted after selling the video footage to You’ve Been Framed for a Blurt special.
Wreaks’ death came as a result of a drive-by shouting, a problem that is the scourge of Boise nowadays. A red Chevy cruised slowly alongside him one day, the teenagers inside started shouting insults on the way. Wreaks was so startled at this that he ran straight onto the railway lines. Luckily for him there was no train coming. However in his relief at realising this he failed to see the herd of stampeding buffalo.