I don’t know the story behind this kooky/pervy morsel. If appearances are true, it’s a Japanese instructional video that teaches English phrases for picking up gaijin hotties. It could also be an excuse to drool over chicks clad in teacher and schoolgirl uniforms who say dirty words in lo-res. Perhaps one of our Japanese-speaking readers can clue us in. Link
Reader comment: Anonymous Japanese speaker says,
I think it’s the intro gimmick from some porn. Check out the extremely cautious mosaicing when the girl reveals her panty-clad cockpit to Taro. I’ve got 1000 yen right here that says that after they move onto standard porn sex (maybe with some forced English cries of pleasure). The other proof is the “nukenagara manaberu” that the main teacher says at the start — “you can learn while jerking off”. It’s not at all uncommon for Japanese porn videos to be that direct about helping the viewer masturbate. I dunno about overseas.
Also, the reason “omanko” (cockpit) is censored and “ochinchin” isn’t because “omanko” is a stronger word than “ochinchin”. “Ochinchin” is more like “willy” than “dick”, but “omanko” really is like “pussy”, or maybe even “cunt”.
Reader comment: NH says,
This *does* appear to be an instructional video on talking dirty in English. I’ve only studied Japanese for a little while now but I gather that the female host is telling the audience (“mina-san“) that she and the women behind her are “sexy teachers” (“watashi-tachi sexy sensei ga“) and that they are glad to meet you. Before holding up a giant cue-card spelling out “dick” she explains that they’ll begin with “simple study” (“kantana-kara-no-benkyoushimashou“). Following that, but before the totally hot conversation (or train wreck of words, but who’s counting?) they go from “simple study” to…. “not-simple study.” You wish I was kidding. If you’re baffled by what the symptoms of a nasty case of taro could involve, you should see a doctor immediately.
Reader comment: Alex Waters, who presumably speaks Japanese and is not just pulling our cockpit, says:
It’s indeed an instructional video on talking dirty in English, and it’s HILARIOUS. But they encourage you to drool as well – the viewer is offered a choice of studying either conversation or “masterbation” [sic]. After the teachers introduce themselves, they inform us that in order to learn to converse, we must first study some basic vocabulary. (Note to readers: Are you SURE you know the definition of “cockpit”?) As an interesting aside, it’s acceptable to talk about dicks, but all the instances of “manko” – “pussy” in Japanese – are bleeped out, and one character is censored when it’s written onscreen as well.
After finishing up with vocabulary, the “Sexy Senseis” move on to real world applications – the conversation lesson! It simply must be seen to be believed. Luckily for the English speakers out there, the conversation lesson is all in English, and subtitled in both English and Japanese.
I can’t WAIT to try out my new conversation skills and see if they work.
Reader comment: Rachel says,
Another noteworthy detail: it’s pretty clear that none of the caucasian women in the video are native speakers of English.
It wouldn’t surprise me at all if they were Russian, as there’s a pretty large population of women from the former Soviet republics doing sex work in Japan. But their accents didn’t sound Russian, so maybe they’re from somewhere else. Anyway, sexual negotiations are definitely one of the more important purposes Japanese men have for conversational English.
On the site hosting the Youtube vid, it said the women were “overdubbed”, but it sounds pretty clear to me that those were their real voices; they just don’t speak English clearly because it isn’t their native language.
Reader comment: Mark Malamud says,
I just got back from japan, and the video appears to be a parody of one-minute instructional english videos they’re showing on jr trains and subways in japan (at least on the yamanote line).