McSweeney's: Nihilist job resume

Xeni Jardin 4:24 pm Wed Apr 5, 2006

By Eric Feezell. Snip:

# Objective

I have no objective. What's the point when cold death is the final destination for us all? Can you explain that to me? I know I'm supposed to put something here, though, so here goes: Your objective is to hire me into a challenging position in a computer-applications-based field within which you feel I can "make a difference" and "contribute" in a team environment. Imbecile.

# Skills

Skills are valueless and only serve temporarily to bolster the trembling egos of the sheeple of this wretched world. I eschew all so-called personal development, instead dying under the premise that, when I'm a biodegrading mess of worm feed hopelessly buried beneath a fathom of dark earth, being able to type 70 words a minute really won't do me a modicum of what you so ignorantly refer to as "good."

Microsoft Excel, PowerPoint, Access; UNIX; Lotus 1, 2, 3.

Link (Thanks, Jake!)

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